Blog #65, Day 73.

Sunday November 6th, 2016 at 8:47 PM.

I fucked up. I completely forgot to write a post last night. I feel like an asshole, but I am trying to not feel shitty, but I feel shitty. As if I just abandoned the future child I will never have.

I am supposed to be writing an analysis paper, but I just finished writing a different analysis paper so I thought I’d give myself a break. Even though it is not deserved.

I feel really bad, about myself, I think, I can’t tell. Maybe this is what remorse feels like? What am I talking about, I don’t have feelings.

I am trying to think what I was doing last night that I just blanked on posting. I was watching the re-run of the hockey game. I went to my friend’s last night, but I was home at about 11:00 PM. Basically, I should just be more responsible.

I am also starting to question this transferring thing, not that I want to transfer, more of do I reeeaaally want to go there. Ya’ know.

I also think that I will not go home again until the 22nd, I think. The two hour drive honestly feels like nothing at this point. What I am really angry about/bothered by is that the school I (think) I want to transfer to has off the whole week of Thanksgiving. WTF? Shouldn’t the private school have off more days than the state school.

It is now 8:56 PM.

I know I should start this at 9:00 PM, mostly because my friend is going to be back around that time and she will probably want me to go to her dorm, and I probably will. I need to get this done. Although it is just a rough draft. See, this is how I talk myself out of doing things. So bad.

Okay it is 8:59 PM.

I’ll let you know how this goes.

It is now 11:12 PM.

Seems like a more usual time that I would post/write.

I did finish writing my analysis paper, but I did go to my friend’s dorm for like an hour.

I needed a break.

My roommate is not back, so I am assuming she is coming back tomorrow, or she is going to wake me up later.

My friend and I just talked about transferring, pretty normal to be honest.

What I realized is that I wished I liked it here, it would certainly be a lot easier. I think that is the thing that bothers me most. People who have not gone here, or college in general, are always telling me things that they think will make me like it here more, but they don’t know what it is like, and it is just annoying.

My grandparents brought me back today. They missed me. It has been probably close to two months since I have last seen them. I missed them too.

The last day of finals is forty days away.

Is a count-down too much? I feel like it would be too much to have on the blog.

It is now 11:17 PM.

I have to fix my alarm clock. I honestly do not even feel like I have gained an hour.

My high of the day – being with my grandparents. My low of the day – accepting that I am probably just going to get a D on my English paper, because I still do not really understand what the assignment was. Once again, I feel really bad about missing yesterday. To my future self: you are probably still an asshole.

Goodnight,

Emily